BELCHERTOWN, Mass. — Is it any coincidence that the Bible tells us 365 times not to be afraid—one for each day of the year (minus leap years)? God clearly wants his people to trust in him and his divine purpose. But for some, feelings of dread and apprehension are constant, unwanted companions. “Fear can be a weapon the devil can use,” said Steve Corbin, author of a four-book series of devotionals for Catholics who struggle with depression and anxiety.
“Held” was a six-month work of love by a man who never expected to become an author.
“I’ve always dealt with anxiety my whole life, and for most of my life, I didn’t even know it,” he said. He tried to hide it or bury himself in work to ignore it. By 2018, those mechanisms no longer worked, and he needed to find a way to manage it. His journey to a life of faith dovetailed with his path to managing his anxiety.
BEGINNINGS OF FAITH
Corbin grew up in Rhode Island; specifically, Warwick, Cranston and Providence, in what he considered a “less than desirable environment.” He wasn’t raised in a religious household, and as a young man, fell in with the “wrong crowd, doing the wrong things.” He went straight into the workforce after high school, working at a restaurant in the late 1990s. Meeting his wife, Amy, and going into the insurance business provided him with some much-needed stability.
Although Amy was Catholic, the couple did not regularly attend any church services until the birth of their eldest daughter. They both knew they wanted their children baptized, but the question was where. The commitment required by the Catholic Church felt too cumbersome for the young couple, who eventually ended up at a Congregational church.
“That’s kind of where … the first push or pull toward faith started.” He even asked the pastor to baptize him with his daughter, but when his time came, the pastor seemingly “forgot.”
For their second daughter, four years later, Amy requested they try the same church she grew up in: St. Francis of Assisi in Belchertown, Massachusetts, a town of about 15,000 near the Quabbin Reservoir and close to the University of Massachusetts Amherst.
“That first time we walked into that church, there was just something peaceful, magical walking in. For me, it was the most beautiful, serene environment,” Corbin said.
They began attending church more regularly, though on a weekly basis, and enrolled in baptismal classes for their daughter. There they met John and Therese, whom they remain friends with today. John asked Steve if he had ever considered becoming Catholic, but the timing wasn’t right. It was only when their third daughter was born that Steve felt ready to join RCIA classes, again called by John and Therese.
RISING PANIC
Joining the Church at Easter Vigil in 2014 was “a very emotional experience,” but his newfound relationship with God didn’t take away his anxiety. Masking didn’t last long, either. A “massive” panic attack struck in 2018; “an eye-opening experience” that caused Steve to seek professional help.
His therapist taught him helpful ways to calm his anxiety. This helped for a while, until he had another panic attack, this time while driving to Vermont with family members around two years ago. Amy was able to talk him through it, but driving became difficult thereafter.
He saw these fears restricting his lifestyle, travel in particular, so he sought help again. Nothing seemed to work. In anger and frustration, he cried out to God, asking why he hadn’t taken the anxiety away.
And then he felt that God might have a plan. Instead of inhibiting him toward spiritual growth, perhaps the anxiety could be a means toward achieving it.
But how?
Within a fortnight, Steve had his answer. He remembers only the homily from Mass, but that was all he needed. The deacon spoke of how the Bible says “fear not” or “do not be afraid” 365 times. He reflected on that, on the idea of a daily devotional “to help you deal with your anxiety.”
Before adoration, of the Most Blessed Sacrament at his local church, he immersed himself in contemplative prayer, listening for God’s words in his heart. And he believed that he should write a book.
‘A GOD OF BIG THINGS’
Steve got to work immediately. Armed with a Bible and notepad, he sat at the kitchen table on his laptop. Ideas began to flow through the man riddled by anxiety but called to help others through their own. He trusted that the Holy Spirit would guide him through the process. He remarked, “I don’t want to say it was easy, but it all came to me.”
While others helped with formatting and putting the devotional days in order, the main body of work came from Steve. He researched, organized and wrote each day’s devotion. Under the self-publishing label Xavier Publishing, “Held” came to life in four volumes. He wrote it in four parts as sometimes for those with anxiety, tackling a single, large tome can feel intimidating.
“Part of my prayer when I was writing the book was … if I could help one person with these books, it’ll be all worthwhile,” Corbin reflected.
Even before publication, his prayer was answered when a friend asked if he could take the finished work to an elderly woman he had administered Holy Communion to as an extraordinary minister of te Holy Eucharist.
Through that same friend, she shared how much the book impacted her life.
In gratitude, Steve went back to adoration to thank God for his “one person.” Instead of hearing a “Well done, good and faithful servant,” God had a different message for Steve, which was more subtle. Perhaps the book could help even more people.
Now Steve wants to share his message with as many people as it would help.
“Held” can be purchased both in all four volumes on Amazon or in a discounted bundle on his website, xavierpublishing.com. A portion of the proceeds from sales on his site will go to the International Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers, as Steve wanted to give back to a group that aided others with mental health challenges.
