LINCOLN — Nationwide, 160,000 children stay home from school every day because they are afraid of being bullied.
Religious education students attending a bullying seminar February 2 at St. Jude Parish learned that troubling information from Raymond Edler, who also told the young audience that their peers who are the targets of chronic bullying are also the victims of theft.
“It’s robbing someone of their God-given right to self-esteem,” he said. “It is the antithesis of what we as people of faith believe: that we are made in the likeness of God.”
Edler told the attentive audience that bullying is not only a criminal offense; it is also a moral issue.
“Catholic morality tells us that people are sacred,” he noted. “Pope John Paul II talked constantly about the dignity of the person. Bullying is part of the culture of death. Something in the person being bullied is being killed a little at a time.”
Jeffrey Michalenka was an active 16-year-old St. Jude parishioner and Lincoln High School student when he look his life in June, 2006 after suffering years of ridicule in school. He had a small group of friends and excelled in Karate, earning a black belt and the admiration of his instructors and peers at the academy where he took lessons.
“The kids focused on any difference,” recalled Jeffrrey’s father, Peter Michalenka, noting that his son was once heavyset and experienced growth spurts and physical changes just like any normal teen.
While Jeffrey struggled to find peace at school, he found acceptance at the parish, where he was a regular participant in the annual Passion Play and warmly greeted worshippers as a member of the parish Hospitality Team.
“We didn’t have to drag him to church,” the boy’s father recalled. “He was always ready.”
Deborah Michalenka described her son as “very caring and sensitive,” always trying to gain the acceptance of his peers. She said he would sometimes invite classmates to to his house, and patiently waited, but usually no one came. Jeffrey would make excuses, saying that they had probably lost his telephone number or got lost.
“He asked kids how to make more friends,” she recalled, adding that in an effort to increase his popularity, Jeffrey would compose rap songs that he would perform at school.
“They would prompt him,” Deborah Michalenka said. “He didn’t understand that they were mocking him.”
One day shortly before his death, Jeffrey, who would have graduated this year, suddenly realized that his peers were making fun of him and wanted them to stop. He reported the latest string of bullying incidents to school officials.
“Jeffrey said that it was the worst day of his life,” his mother said. “He said, ‘I’ve told and now everyone hates me.’”
Deborah Michalenka said after her son had taken his life, she learned that a student had created a web site ridiculing him. The web site was immediately pulled from the?Internet following his death.
“A teacher knew about it, and didn’t do a thing,” she said angrily.
As a result of Jeffrey’s suicide, a group of concerned Lincoln mothers formed CABINS, an acronym for Communities Against Bullying in Schools. They hope to fund educational programs for students and adults aimed at putting an end to this growing problem.
“We are trying to raise an awareness of how parents can protect their children form the bullies,” Deborah Michalenka said. CABINS members also want to help parents of children classified as bullies to “help break the cycle in their lives. Why does the the bully get to graduate and my son doesn’t? Why does the victim have to leave and the bully get to stay?”
She recalled that shortly before the end of the 2005-2006 academic year, a professional recommended that Jeffrey be transferred to a private school, but he said he didn’t want to change his routine so late in the school year.
Deborah Michalenka emphasized that parents of children who bully need to be held accountable for their children’s actions.
“They say ‘It’s not my child,’ and they look the other way,” she said.
Raymond Edler offers Anti-Bullying programs in area schools and religious education programs. For more information, call 253-3861 or e-mail medler6584@fctvplus.net.
